Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
