Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
