Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
where are you?
Hypothermia
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
