i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
