I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
