im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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