After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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