yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
