he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
