I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
All the doctor said was why
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
