census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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