Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm jealous of your bromance
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
