I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
