I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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