I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
