i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize