hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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