When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
