What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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