I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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