no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
