He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize