At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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