you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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