3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
