After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Terrible idea I love it
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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