i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
