You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
