i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
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