i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
