can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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