Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We talked him into tasing himself.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize