what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
