I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize