Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
