I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
