R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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