And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
did you just send me my own nude
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
