Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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