Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize