turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
