Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
