Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
