i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
tell me about the eggs
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
