I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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