Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
