Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
