I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
