Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
