Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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