I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
