matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize