it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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