The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
