Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
