I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
