Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
