Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
