She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
