To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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