My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize