Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
