I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I am midnight drunk by noon
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
two words...techno handjob
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
