I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
