there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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