First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
