oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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