i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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